How to Completely DIS-Engage Parents from Your Children’s Ministry

How to Completely DIS-Engage Parents from Your Children’s Ministry

The obvious goal is to engage parents in your ministry. Sometimes, however, we do just the opposite. Sometimes we push them away, require things which are unrealistic, completely disregard their own circumstances…and a lot more. All this does is harm our ministry and actually work against what we are trying to accomplish.

Here are a few ways I’ve experienced and observed parents being dis-engaged from ministry:

How to Completely DIS-Engage Parents from Your Children’s Ministry

Over Communicate Trivial Information

I used to believe that you couldn’t communicate enough. Wrong! In our information saturated world, people receive literally thousands of messages a day. Focus on communicating what matters, when it matters.

Make Your Ministry All About Your Ministry

When I work with churches to help them create healthy children’s ministry, I’ll often ask them something like: why are you offering this program – who does it benefit? Inevitably the answer is all about something that someone in the ministry envisioned rather than about meeting a need for families. It’s pretty easy for us (church staff) to get excited about something – we live and breath this stuff! – but if it’s not meeting a need and being relevant to the families in your church, good luck getting them to buy in.

Assume Responsibility For The Spiritual Formation Of Their Kids

Parents completely understand that they are responsible. However, churches often present ministry in such away that communicates that the church is responsible, never making an attempt to equip or partner with parents. Unfortunately, because parents often don’t know how to invest spiritually in their children, they often will simply step back and allow the church to take over.

Place Unrealistic Expectations On Them

Recently at a conference I spoke at I was asked a question I’m often asked: should we require parents to serve in children’s ministry? My answer: an emphatic “NO!”

  • I have no idea if their giftedness and passions align with our vision (some parents I actually don’t want serving…but if it’s a requirement it’s hard to pick and choose!).
  • I don’t know what challenges they are facing right now that this requirement might exacerbate. I and my ministry is here to serve families, not make life more challenging for them.
  • I do know that the typical family is incredibly over scheduled, and requiring service may just cause them to reconsider being part of the church, or not to get connected in the first place. That’s the last thing I want to happen.

So instead of requiring service, I see it as my responsibility to create an environment that they want to serve in – something that ranks higher than other areas they might give their time to – and then invite them to serve by sharing a clear and compelling vision for what we are doing.

What other things cause parents to DIS-engage from our ministries?

(please share in comments below)

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Greg Baird
Founder of Children's Ministry Leader & Vice President of Global Resources at David C Cook
The most important thing to know about me is that I am blessed beyond measure to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, to have married way over my head to my wife, Michele, and that I have two incredible grown sons named Taylor and Garret.

I serve as the Vice President of Global Resources in the Global Mission department at David C. Cook.

I love what I do as it is the outflow of 25 years of ministry experience as Children’s, Family & Administrative Pastor, consultant, trainer, speaker and short-term missions leader.

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